Here is your Find Your Perfect Life Partner tip number forty two.
You just found out that a complete stranger took advantage of you and now you are...
Life Partner Tip 42. Angry, Hurt and Confused. So What Do You Do Next?
Recently I found out that someone had used my blog to try and put up phishing site. As you can imagine I was a tad upset! I was furious! But, because it was the weekend and I couldn't talk to my internet hosting company I had to wait and while I waited I did some research on blog security and anger management!
Here is some of what I found.
Recent scientific studies have conclusively shown that when we “let it all hang out” and “really blow our top” with anger the results are not positive. In fact people who do this suffer from more stress and even depression than those who remain more calm.
First lesson: Keep cool.
I also learned that anger has a purpose, it serves the function of letting us know when things aren't right and that something needs to change. In fact according to Charles Spielberger, PhD “Anger is caused by two basic things:
- Frustration: Not getting what we want, especially if we are expecting to get it.
Most anger can be classified as irritation, frustration or annoyance and while stressful, it can be managed by a few deep breaths or removing oneself from the situation. On the other hand, when anger escalates to rage, fury or “seeing red” that is when we need to be more aware and have a plan in place so we don't hurt our selves or others.
The 5 Stages of Anger
When you understand these five stages you will be more able to understand your reactions and those of others.
What made us angry in the first place. For example, an argument, being taken advantage of, being lied to. We feel some degree of threat and our physiological system prepares to meet that threat.
The body prepares for a crisis with rapid breathing, increased heart rate and raised blood pressure, muscles tense for action, voice may become louder or an altered pitch, and our eyes change shape, pupils enlarge and brow falls. Take note of these things next time you feel angry. Your body stance may change as well.
This is commonly known as the fight or flight response. Our body is prepared to take action. Unfortunately, during this stage our judgment is significantly reduced and decisions may be made without the benefit of our normal brain power.
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